I considered giving you my heart but I thought you might regift it.
Like the hollow shell of a heart-shaped candy box once all the chocolate poker chips vanish
Well, let’s see.
I’ve already run out of baby teeth thanks to all those grade school crushes.
My tonsils never got a chance to be a sign of my affection, but
My appendix sure did.
You were the last person I saw before I woke up in agony.
We watched a movie and I pretended you were a pillow
A pillow with hands that massaged the back of my head
Weaving your fingers through my hair like shoelaces
The next morning I couldn’t wash you out of my hair or pluck you out of my head
And my abdomen was on fire
Afterwards, I made a fake appendix made out of old steak and nestled it in a salsa jar
Gifted it at a white elephant and got a lot of horrified laughter
I guess if you’ve never seen something irl before, you might mistake a piece of meat for something that used to be very much alive.
Something that actually had a purpose
So even though you can’t hold my appendix in the palm of your hand like a misshapen strawberry
Go ahead and name it. It’s yours.
Try not to make it embarrassing like Atticus the Appendix. Maybe Felix or Fernando.
Something as exotic or antiquated as his vestigial origins.
Maybe Nero or Caligula
Something poisoned with power and responsible for his own demise.
Treat it like a pet rock or raisin or chia pet.
Totally functionless yet decorative
The result of someone not knowing what to get you or knowing exactly what to get you
Or just a total gag
Like the hollow shell of a heart-shaped candy box once all the chocolate poker chips vanish
Well, let’s see.
I’ve already run out of baby teeth thanks to all those grade school crushes.
My tonsils never got a chance to be a sign of my affection, but
My appendix sure did.
You were the last person I saw before I woke up in agony.
We watched a movie and I pretended you were a pillow
A pillow with hands that massaged the back of my head
Weaving your fingers through my hair like shoelaces
The next morning I couldn’t wash you out of my hair or pluck you out of my head
And my abdomen was on fire
Afterwards, I made a fake appendix made out of old steak and nestled it in a salsa jar
Gifted it at a white elephant and got a lot of horrified laughter
I guess if you’ve never seen something irl before, you might mistake a piece of meat for something that used to be very much alive.
Something that actually had a purpose
So even though you can’t hold my appendix in the palm of your hand like a misshapen strawberry
Go ahead and name it. It’s yours.
Try not to make it embarrassing like Atticus the Appendix. Maybe Felix or Fernando.
Something as exotic or antiquated as his vestigial origins.
Maybe Nero or Caligula
Something poisoned with power and responsible for his own demise.
Treat it like a pet rock or raisin or chia pet.
Totally functionless yet decorative
The result of someone not knowing what to get you or knowing exactly what to get you
Or just a total gag
